Sometimes you just need to vent…
by Leila Dayne
I’m a pretty upbeat person, and I don’t get upset very often but there’s been something bugging me lately. If I hear ONE more ‘guy’ (person really, because I’m sure this isn’t just a guy thing!) complaining how “nice guys finish last” I am going to lose my mind!! I know a ton of nice guys and you know what?! They all have amazing girlfriends who adore them! Why?! Because they are truly nice guys!
Most of the guys I hear saying this may be amazing friends and will make awesome companions for someone…someday. But until they move past their own complexes and self-pitying they will never get there. They all also seem to be chasing the wrong women. I am very honest from the beginning with guys in explaining what I’m willing to give and put into our interactions. I’m not sure why there is such a huge issue this day in age with a woman wanting to spend time with herself and be independent. Too many people are out there looking for other people to complete them instead of learning how to complete themselves. Find someone who complements you. The dictionary states that complement means either of two parts or things needed to complete the whole; counterpart. Think of a best friends necklace. A heart split into two parts…but if either of those two are incomplete then even when put together they will not make a whole. I have a handful of guys who were fantastic friends that I was VERY CLEAR on the fact that I enjoyed spending time with them but was not interested in a serious relationship. I was even honest about the fact that it wasn’t just that I didn’t want to be with THEM specifically, it wasn’t as tho I was just waiting around for someone else, I just wanted to enjoy my time with just me. These friendships subsequently became ruined by the fact that the believed that if they pressed hard enough, asked relentlessly and basically just bugged the hell out of me all the time, that it would somehow change my mind and lead me into wanting to enter into a relationship with them. You may be the nicest guy in the world but if you are chasing (and sometimes obsessing) over someone who doesn’t reciprocate the feelings you have in the same way, no amount of pushing them is going to change that. The only thing it will do is push them in the opposite direction. I’ve never once come to the realization of, “OH, you know what? Feeling bullied into caring about someone is something I’m really into to. Maybe I should give this a shot.”
“When we stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.” Stop obsessing over someone who doesn’t want you in the same way…be there for them, be a friend. Doing that gives them the chance to focus and work on themselves and will make it more likely that they will recognize you later on for being the one who was by their side throughout their struggles. That is what a real “nice guy” would do. Without constantly pushing the girl to bend her will to what they want. Stop making us feel guilty for wanting to be the best person for ourselves before being it for someone else. And if in the meantime you meet someone else who is great, don’t push them away and don’t try to use them as leverage to make the other person jealous. Do you really want someone who develops feelings for you solely because you are flaunting being with someone else in front of them instead of because they genuinely feel that way? There are always exceptions, but that is not the norm.
I was talking about this with some girlfriends the other day, and realized I wasn’t the only one who felt this way or had experienced this. I know this isn’t always true but it was something that was bugging me and I had to get out.