by Leila Dayne
Obviously transitions is a HUGE part of my life and therefore this blog. I’ve always been a person of perpetual change, a chameleon soul if you will. As children, I believe we are all that way as we grow and develop and work to find out who we are in the world.
As we get older transitions can become either more or less obvious. I’ll walk you through a few of my more monumental transitions.
– Becoming pregnant at 18 – I was alone, and scared, and completely lost in the world. I wasn’t making the best life decisions…one rarely does at 18…but in my own mind I was, of course, all-knowing. So when I found myself 5 months pregnant, jobless and single, I didn’t know what to do. I was phenomenally fortunate to have a loving and supportive family around me. Now don’t get me wrong, they were not happy about it nor did they do everything for me. (“You’re choice, you’re consequences” was their motto.) But they helped where they could without enabling me. I leaned heavily on my “friends” but considering they were all still young, single, partying and most of all…not pregnant, it didn’t take long for the cracks to form in our foundation . I began to notice them slowly drifting away as I was no longer able to party with them and stay out late. I became relegated to the 3am drunk phone call when someone needed a DD. I realized quickly that these were not friends, but acquaintances that I had, at one time ,had things in common with, but no longer did.
– Working in nightlife – After becoming a parent, I struggled to find a way to make ends meet. Fortunately I was offered a job as a bartender and bottle service hostess at a nightclub. This worked out perfect as I was finding it nearly impossible to find a day job that covered daycare, outside and living expenses and still having money left over to save. I was living at home, with a paid off car but was still barely getting by. This was the perfect solution since I could spend my days at home with my son and only be gone at night while he was sleeping. As long as I balanced it right, I wouldn’t have to leave until he was already tucked into bed and would get home with enough time to grab a few hours of sleep and then would squeeze in a few more hours later in the day while he napped. Unfortunately even the best laid plans can go awry. Most nights ran long, the money was inconsistent and there never seemed to be enough sleep. But I carried on…for nearly 6 years. Believe me, it definitely wasn’t all bad. I had some great time, a lot of great memories and endless stories. But I could feel myself becoming completely drained and worn out so I knew it was time to leave. At first my phone still rang off the hook on the weekends, but as soon as it became a typical thing for me not to go out, have free/guest list access to all the hot spots, unlimited/discounted bar tabs, etc. the calls, texts and emails became less frequent. It came down to hearing from my true friends…not the network of bar acquaintances I had made. It was a sad realization at first but a blessing in the long run. Looking back majority of these people are still in the bars and clubs every weekend, drowning their work weeks and vaguely remembering any of it at all. I’m not a hypocrite, I do still like to go out on occasion and enjoy a night out but it is most definitely not a regular thing. And also a downside of working in nightlife for so long is you get accustomed to being compensated for the time spent there, so once the shoe is on the other foot and you are paying the bill instead of collecting, it’s even less fun.
– Corporate to Free Lance – This has been the most recent transition I have made. It wasn’t easy for me to make the transition from nightlife to a full-time corporate day job but once I got past being up early, going to bed early and missing out on my daily nap it became less difficult. The money was consistant and decent…not great, but acceptable. It was necessary but I never truly LOVED it. I’ve always had a hard time sticking to things that I didn’t like. I wasn’t just a finicky quitter, I gave everything a fair chance. But when I woke up every morning dreading getting ready for work, to the point where some days I put more effort into making up an excuse to call out of work than I did in getting ready. I pushed through for a long time spending long hours at the office, hardly spending time with my son and friends and never having any free time on the weekend from having to play catch up on dishes, laundry and housework. So I decided I’d rather struggle to do something I love, than get by doing something I despised. So I decided to follow my passions instead. Putting more time in to my writing, my art, fashion.
It hasn’t been easy but each transition has been more than worth it. There are certain people who have been by my side since day one and I truly cherish them for that. There are some that I still think of fondly and see in passing but for the most part the people I met along the way have gone by the wayside. But that’s all a part of life. Growing, changing and perpetually moving forward.
I wish the best to anyone else that may also be going through transitions in their life :]
All My Love,