Potty Mouth

by Leila Dayne


For as long as I can remember I’ve had a sailors mouth. I was always smart enough to know in which context and in front of which people to use it. (Most of the time!) As I’ve mentioned I grew up with, predominantly  boys. And almost everyone else I knew, whether they were male or female, all had older siblings or cousins they were close with. I was an only child, until I turned 13 that is, with a cool older uncle who was in college but I never really saw him except for on holidays. Therefore, coming from very mild-mannered and even-tempered parents, I was sheltered from most of the important aspects of growing up that are passed along from older siblings. I mean shit, I didn’t even watch anything other than approved kids shows.

My parent’s are wonderful, I’ve yet to this day to ever even see them fight and it’s a rare occasion to hear a cuss word slip. So I felt pretty out-of-place that fateful day when sitting on the bus and hearing the older girls cat fight calling each other ‘bitches’ and ‘skanks’. I remember being so confused, and thinking it just must be some nickname. Lesson learned very quickly as I sat in my first grade class and very LOUDLY called my friends “bitches and skanks”. Through my shaky delivery of the words, my teacher was able to deduce that I clearly was a rookie in the cussing game, so she just explained that they were bad words and shouldn’t be used. What should have embarrassed me to the point of never wanting to use any curse words again sadly became a seed. A seed of interest that just grew and grew. I changed. I started watching any adult shows I could…talking to any older kids I could find…I was OBSESSED with learning cuss words. I would sit in my room in front of the mirror and practice them. Practice different ways to say them…how my mouth and face looked. (I also came to find out Chelsea Handler had a similar experience. Fitting.)

I loved the way they sounded coming out of my mouth. How empowered I felt. There was nothing like the look on a 5th grader boys face when as a tiny 1st grader I would be walking down the school bus aisle and assertively tell him, “Hey! Get the fuck outta my way!!” You’d think I was a little hoodlum, raised on the mean New York streets.

I was always careful with my dirty little habit. Never cussing around my family or other adults. It was my little secret. As I got older it only got worse, but it was like a drug habit…I couldn’t stop.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten a little better. I still cuss like a sailor but I’m working on it. I have a Tiny Human around who I work very hard not to cuss around and who charges me a quarter for any time I accidentally do. I know it’s terribly unlady like but sometimes a good ‘fuck’ really gets the point across.

So now you know. 😉

 

All My Love,

LD