by Leila Dayne
In my ongoing quest to always be improving and making myself better, I find myself hitting a lot of road blocks. I try to remember that I am only human, and that these things will happen but none the less it still serves as a constant annoyance. Of course I would love to believe that I am perfect and right all of the time but the fact of the matter is that is just simply not true.
I know I’m further along than some in being able to at least recognize that I need to make changes but unfortunately that doesn’t seem to make it any easier. We are creatures of habit.
Through years of personal conditioning I’ve built walls around myself and developed lightening quick defensive responses. Which in some cases are a good thing to have but they’ve also effectively sabotaged me at times. My independence and strong will are generally great aspects that I posses but can also be my Achilles’ heel. When someone points something out that goes against me or proves me wrong, even if I KNOW it’s right…my stubbornness kicks in and lands me with the responses of an angry child. “NUH UH!! I AM RIGHT SIMPLY BECAUSE I SAY SO!!”
It’s a constant battle of the mind. The old part of my brain saying “Stand your ground!! It doesn’t matter if you’re wrong!!” and the correct and logical part saying, “Ummm hey bitch, you know you’re just acting like a stubborn jackass for no reason, right?!?” My brain’s kind of a jerk at times, but even so, it’s right.
I have to constantly remind myself that not everything thrown at me is an attack. That not everything requires me to stand up to it. Growing up as a petite female with a strong work drive trained me to almost always be confrontational to get results which is a behavior I have to learn how to change.
Every day I work on growing into a better individual and hopefully by recognizing these traits…not just mentally, but actually thinking about it and writing about it, will help me to be better at working through them.
My friend shared this picture with me and I keep it saved in my phone to look at throughout the day to help keep myself focused on the progress I’m trying to make. I know I will never be perfect, but I will only fail if I don’t at least keep trying.
All My Love,