Being An Adult

by Leila Dayne


I posted a funny list the other day about how our perceptions of adulthood change from when we are kids. Believe me, I was the kid who thought the ATM was basically just a money printer where you entered a code and got infinite amounts of money. (How glorious would that be?!? Fuck a money tree, other people or even the wind could steal that shit!!)

I was laying around today, enjoying the weather and thinking of some of the truths about adult life, so I figured I’d share some of my miraculous revelations and add in some others that some friends contributed as well!!

1. I constantly wear watches, and check the time. Fully aware that due to a deficit in my brain I cannot tell time on an analog clock. (I have temporal spacial deficit. But that’s for another post.)

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

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4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? I’ve read all of the tutorials on Pinterest and I still can’t fucking do it!

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5, I know how to get off the street I live on.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

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12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.

13. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know NOT to answer when they call. Truthfully, this is why I save most people’s numbers. I also add something to the name when saving it to, so hopefully “Creepy Stalker #4” never calls while standing behind me. I can’t imagine that going over well.

15. There is literally a things called a sausage bouquet. (I could not make this shit up!!)

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16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with vodka than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.

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21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. (And this was YEARS after somebody literally died from it!) That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

24. Growing up school was such a chore…what I wouldn’t give to sit around hanging out with my friends all day and having my biggest worry be about whether I bullshitted my way through my homework enough! 

Alright, that’s all for now!!

All My Love,

LD